Do you ever get caught up in social media validation? By that I mean, looking at how many RT's and @'s you get on Twitter...or how many comments people leave on your blog...maybe how many emails you get from blog readers or bloggy friends. Not just looking at these things, but looking at them as if they're some measure of you...as a person.
This last week I've realized that I have been. I've found myself thinking: hmm, no one has talked to me on twitter today, weird, and wow, that blog post only got 1 comment, wonder why? or maybe hmm, my blog views are down a little, what am I doing wrong? and my favorite why did those bloggers unfollow me on twitter? did I offend?
Now, I do look at my blog as more than just an online journal, so I do pay attention to views and comments and metrics like that, but here's the thing: when did all of that cross over into feeling I need these things to feel OK? Because it has!
The last week I've found myself feeling bad because certain metrics, certain stats were faltering. Bad about myself! Just when I feel like I'm doing well, making all around progress, wham, that wrecking ball of insecurity comes smashing in.
Just when I think I'm making progress in not seeking validation outside of myself, boom, I realize somewhere else I'm seeking that validation. Tell me I'm OK Twitter, tell me I'm good enough facebook, gmail don't look at me like I'm the fat lonely girl again.
Sometimes I wonder if that insecure teenager inside will ever feel good about herself?! Will that little girl inside ever stop crying out for someone to love her?
It's hard for me to separate my blog from myself. It is such a personal thing, I put a lot of tough stuff out there, but at the same time: it's not ME. Just because less people, or more people read it, that's no reflection of who I am or am not.
Yes, I want my blog to be successful, yes I have my reasons for this, but none of this should be connected to my confidence. To my self esteem. To how I feel on any given day.
I'm sort of laughing at myself right now, it's amazing that I was letting myself get wrapped up in this silliness this week.
Yes I love my blog, but NO it is not me. It is not who I am. Just because 5,000,003 people read it or 3 people read it that doesn't reflect on who I am and shouldn't affect how I feel about myself either! I'm OK whether I have 2 twitter followers or 2,000. I'm still me. I'm still the me that has lost the 50 lbs, the me that ran a marathon, the me that is learning to take better care of herself every day.
Note to self: get over it.
Do you ever find yourself seeking validation, approval even, from social media realms? Do you think social media can be another version of the cool kids table?