I miscounted and am a week late starting my official 5k training. I thought my race was post-poned until September, but found out it will be in April. Well, maybe a half a week late starting. No problem, jumping in.
I was up on my treadmill last night trying to bang out 3 miles in walk run intervals. In started that annoying voice. Ugh, this is hard, walk already. Lungs are burning, you can't do this! What, you think you can hold that pace?! Ha ha ha. My inner fat girl trying to defeat me again. This negative self talk, inner fat girl, whatever you want to call it has held me down long enough. She has told me for years that I wasn't a real writer, you have no talent. She has told me I'm fat and ugly. She has told me I wasn't a real runner, you're too fat to be a real runner, even during my marathon! She has told me I'm not good enough. She has told me I can't, I can't, I can't.
Well I say, suck a thumb inner fat chick, I CAN! My goal for this 5k is to beat my fastest 5k time of 38:58. Not just beat it, tear it up! Inner fat chick says there's no way! I say, way. I am setting the goal of coming in under 35 minutes.
I've always ran races with someone and always felt either I was holding them back or they were holding me back. This time I will toe the line alone. Other people I know will be racing, but I race alone. Just me vs that inner fat chick.
Every race I have ever ran I have finished knowing I didn't give my all, knowing I could have done better. I get to the end and I'm not spent, I have more left in me, I didn't try my best. Every single time I have let that inner fat chick psyche me out. Telling me it was too hard, telling me I can't. Telling me I ran funny, looked funny, sweat too much, breathe too hard, blah blah blah. Well, give it your best shot this time inner fat chick, bring it.
I am putting pen to paper for my training plan. I hope to beat some fat off between now and then. Less weight to carry means a faster me. No matter what my weight winds up being I will give it my all.
No more fear of failure. No more being afraid to give it my all because what if my all isn't good enough. No more excuses. This race I leave it all out on that dirt road.
It's just you and me inner fat chick...and I'll be takin' you OUT.
So, think of me April 17th. I'll be on a back country road in Colorado fighting for me.