I wasn't planning to blog until this afternoon, but I just had this hit me like a ton of bricks: I am going to reach my goal weight this summer. I am. Wow. I haven't seen 145 since high school. But deep down to my toes I know I will see it this summer. I have no idea what it will look like or feel like and I am beyond excited to find out.
It's not really confidence, although I am confident of reaching goal, it's more like a feeling in the pit of my stomach that holy cow I can do this! I will do this. I am doing this.
But what is so strange is there is no fear, no nervousness, no doubt. I have believed in myself and my reaching these goals for a while now. It has been wonderful and refreshing. That belief in myself is what has made 'this time around' different. But there was always still this nervousness, this apprehension surrounding the whole process. But today, today that is gone. Today I feel only excitement and anticipation. Expectation even.
I came home from my weekend with an overwhelming feeling of peace. I didn't really understand it, but now I am seeing that I've had a shift. A shift in my thinking. A shift in my attitude. A shift in how I see myself. I really did win a battle against that inner fat chick. I really did makes some deeper changes through that race and what it meant to me. It feels pretty amazing.
It's not even all about that number: 145 anymore. My focus is on feeling strong. On what I can do now that I am in better shape. On what I can do with my kids. On how fanfriggintastic I feel every day now that I am making better choices. I have turned a corner. I have changed.
I don't walk into a room and feel like the fat chick anymore. I am looking at food in terms of how it will fuel my body and how it will affect me instead of how much I can scarf. I look forward to my runs and workouts. I love setting new fitness-related goals and working hard to reach them. I enjoy that I am feeling stronger. I even feel like I'm standing up straighter! This is crazy new uncharted territory for me.
I no longer feel doubt of my ability to do this. I don't even doubt my ability to maintain once I get there, which is something I've never been able to do. I believe in me. I believe I can continue to make these choices for the rest of my life to have a strong and healthy body. I feel so peaceful about this whole process now.
I am not boasting, I am actually about in tears at the moment, this is a really big deal for me (sorry for the mushy moment). I just want you all to know there is HOPE. Some of you may already be at this point, and woo hoo if you are, but for those of you that aren't: I believe you will be! I never in a million years would have expected to be here, I never really knew here existed for me, but here I am. There is nothing that makes it any different for me than you. You can be here too! I believe that with all that I am.