Since going Paleo my family has fallen even more in love with our grill. Paleo and grilling just work well together. The past couple of years I've even been stepping outside my grilling comfort zone more and more. Grilling things I'd never thought to have grilled before and trying new flavor combinations. I have to say I'm pretty thrilled with the results of most of my flavor experiments. In the past I'd never have thought to grill fruit, but it's amazing. Grilling fruit and adding it to traditionally savory dishes? Brilliant. Oh yes, and? New rule: every burger recipe for the rest of forever must contain grilled pineapple. OK, maybe more of a guideline. It's a seriously delicious combination though. This Smoky Grilled Pineapple Burger is always a crowd-pleaser at my house. It's not only Paleo, but Whole30, glutenfree, lower carb, and clean eating friendly. I promise you won't miss the bun! paleo, grilled pineapple burger, smoky
Yesterday my 16 year old son came home after spending the better part of the weekend with one of my family members. This family member was quite negative and said some unkind things to my son, including that he was 'worthless like his mother'. Or something like that, I paraphrase.
Now, obviously, this is someone I will be limiting my son's time with from now on. I had a long talk with my son about the whole thing, but my lesson from it was this:
In the past I would have been angry or crushed; I would have obsessed about why my family treats me how they do, or has the opinions of me they do, blah blah blah. Now I see it for what it is, this person projecting their unhappiness with the state of their own life onto my son and myself. Wrong, yes. Sad, yes. Having anything to do with me, nope.
When we change our lives everyone isn't going to be happy.
There will be those that see our success as a spotlight on the situations in their lives. There will be those that want to put us right back where we were because they are comfortable with that. There will be those who are simply jealous, negative, hurtful. There will even be those in our lives who would sabotage our efforts. Sad, but reality.
We have to continue doing what we know is good for us. We have to continue taking care of us. We have to continue to be great! Anything less is cheating ourselves and the rest of the world.
Sometimes this may mean letting negative or hurtful words slide off us like water off a duck's back. Or it could mean limiting our time with certain people, or severing relationships all together.
Sad as this seems, we cannot let other people take us down. No matter how much we want to help someone, or how much we want someone to love/like us, or whatever the situation, there is a line we have to draw in keeping ourselves right. We have to know the road we're on and not stray (this is true in weight loss and in life). I truly believe in the long run our example will speak volumes even to those we struggle with now.
But thankfully, just as we will have our non-supporters, we will also have our supporters! Those who will be our cheerleaders and be happy for us in our successes. Those who will be proud of our accomplishments and not threatened by them. Those who will offer encouragement or words of wisdom along the way.
These are the people we want to spend more time with. We need to surround ourselves with positive, encouraging, supportive people to whatever extent we are capable. If you don't have people like that in your 'real' life, seek them out online. Whatever it takes, it will be worth it!
My goal in this life is to be a Supporter--You?
Now, obviously, this is someone I will be limiting my son's time with from now on. I had a long talk with my son about the whole thing, but my lesson from it was this:
In the past I would have been angry or crushed; I would have obsessed about why my family treats me how they do, or has the opinions of me they do, blah blah blah. Now I see it for what it is, this person projecting their unhappiness with the state of their own life onto my son and myself. Wrong, yes. Sad, yes. Having anything to do with me, nope.
When we change our lives everyone isn't going to be happy.
There will be those that see our success as a spotlight on the situations in their lives. There will be those that want to put us right back where we were because they are comfortable with that. There will be those who are simply jealous, negative, hurtful. There will even be those in our lives who would sabotage our efforts. Sad, but reality.
We have to continue doing what we know is good for us. We have to continue taking care of us. We have to continue to be great! Anything less is cheating ourselves and the rest of the world.
Sometimes this may mean letting negative or hurtful words slide off us like water off a duck's back. Or it could mean limiting our time with certain people, or severing relationships all together.
Sad as this seems, we cannot let other people take us down. No matter how much we want to help someone, or how much we want someone to love/like us, or whatever the situation, there is a line we have to draw in keeping ourselves right. We have to know the road we're on and not stray (this is true in weight loss and in life). I truly believe in the long run our example will speak volumes even to those we struggle with now.
But thankfully, just as we will have our non-supporters, we will also have our supporters! Those who will be our cheerleaders and be happy for us in our successes. Those who will be proud of our accomplishments and not threatened by them. Those who will offer encouragement or words of wisdom along the way.
These are the people we want to spend more time with. We need to surround ourselves with positive, encouraging, supportive people to whatever extent we are capable. If you don't have people like that in your 'real' life, seek them out online. Whatever it takes, it will be worth it!
My goal in this life is to be a Supporter--You?
UGH my heart sank reading the first part of your email! It will never cease to amaze me just how others can justify being like that to anyone..yet alone a teenager or child!
ReplyDelete{{HUGS}} to your son and you...I feel sorry for that family member too because they obviously have quite a self esteem problem themselves!
OMG - I am so sorry that someone would treat your son that way. How great though that you and he clearly have a relationship where you can talk about things:)
ReplyDeleteI thought the line about people projecting their own unhappiness was interesting. I had not thought of it that way and it puts a new twist on some of my own current family drama.
This is a great post because it reminds me that I need to be a supporter. And sometimes, while I think I do that anyways, it may take a more conscious act or effort on my part.
"Wrong, yes. Sad, yes. Having anything to do with me, nope."
ReplyDeleteThis is so true! When we can truely see it's not about us then we take the power back.
I don't think you can lose weight and keep it off unless you have power and control.
Great post!
Excellent post! I'm so sorry someone said those things, but you have a great attitude. You're right, the negativity out of peoples' mouths only reflects what is in their heart!!!! Matthew 12:34 and Luke 6:45 confirm that, too!
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I had a similar comment that, unfortunately I allowed to get to me...a relative, upon finding out I was writing a blog about getting healthy said "who do you think you are anyway?" It hurts, but yes we have to consider the source and let it roll right off. Sometimes easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteI choose to be a supporter. Over the years I have developed thick skin to those that are truly negative. I used to engaged and rage against them, but,that accomplished nothing good for myself. Oh I amnot perfect, buttons are still there that can get pushed and set me off.But for the most park water off my duck back - quack!
ReplyDeleteSOO true! Thanks for this awesome post and reminder. I LOVE your attitude.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fantastic post and owe so TRUE!! It stinks that people are not always joyful for us when we are joyful. It's sad that people don't always mourn with us when we mourn. I tell ya; I CAN NOT believe that ANYONE, especially a family member, would have the nerve to EVER say anything like that. It's hateful and hurtful!! Girl...you hit the nail on the head when you said that it's them projecting their funk on you and your son. Keep doin what you're doin!! In the end, you will be different and they will be the same, hateful, hurtful, and MISERABLE.
ReplyDeleteBy the way...I choose to be a supporter :)
ReplyDeleteLife is WAY too short to waste our time on non-supporters. That's why I love the blog world.smile.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post. I have written a few like this too. It gets so frustrating when you realize who those negative people are. No time for that. Moving on!
ReplyDeleteWow! What a terrific attitude you have. And you're right on target. Good for you. Keep being an inspiration. :)
ReplyDeleteGREAT post! I've been working on this exact scenario - giving energy and time to the supporters, not focusing on non-supporters. I have been slowly realizing that suffering is optional. I'm moving on from letting negative comments take over my thoughts and energy. So far, it's working and it is so freeing!
ReplyDeleteYou must be so proud that you've grown so much as a person. What a great example for your son! While it is unfortunate that someone was so rude and mean, you've dealt with it extremely well.
ReplyDeleteI think we must be not-so-distantly related. Our "family" sounds way too similar! Before she died my mom taught me the importance of having a "family of choice" made up of those who we don't necessarily share any blood or DNA with, but a deeper and often far more meaningful connection. Most of her "family of choice" she met online through mailing lists and genealogy websites. At her funeral, in fact, there were more cards and letters and flowers from people who had never actually met her in person. Most of my family has come from blogs and twitter. I swear I would trust you all more with my son for a long weekend than I would the people I actually share a family tree with!
ReplyDeleteYou said your goal in this life is to be a supporter ... you do a damn good job at it, Kerri!
I'm sorry that someone in your family would ever say something like that, to your son of all people. I recently went through a falling out with some family as well. It's hard to let those kinds of words slide off! I wasn't able to and we had a couple months separation and are just trying to repair those relationships now, though admittedly they can never be the same after all that went on.
ReplyDeleteYou're 100% right about supporters! I have found the biggest cheerleaders hiding in people I didn't expect it from. Today I got an awesome compliment from a friend that I didn't think had really been paying much attention to my big fitness quest, but she had been and was cheering me on. Those people are the best! And they're all around us. Don't let the negative people drag you down, ever... You don't need toxic people in your life, no one does!
I love this. I always feel bad for those people out there that actually feel better putting others down. I can only hope they desire change one day and then hop on the positivity wagon! Great advice.
ReplyDeleteSorry your son had to go through that!
ReplyDeleteI am trying to be more positive myself and sometimes I struggle, but at least I'm trying!
Thanks for the great post!
Oh Kerri, I hate that someone said that about you, and to your son!!! WTH. People are so tactless however I'm glad you had the sense to see right thru to that person's own issue. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteWow that's terrible that a relative would say something so harsh. Glad you've got a smart head on your shoulders and you're going to move on in a more positive light.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great teaching moment--sucks that you had it happen, though. I don't like negativity!
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you have grown so much as you've shrunk, huh? I want to be that positive person in peoples' lives
Fighting negativity with negativity just reinforces that person's opninion...
you are full of grace and wisdom. I love this and need your attitude. thanks for the reminder that there are better ways.
ReplyDeleteThat is horrific that someone would say that to your son!! I'm appalled that people think they can treat others that way...good for you on setting the record straight and realizing that it has NOTHING to do with you, and EVERYTHING to do with that other person.
ReplyDelete